By John Maclean
Commencement Address, University of Montanam Western Dillon, Montana: May 9, 2009

Good afternoon and welcome to the sunny world of adult responsibility. The economy you're about to join is the most prosperous in human history and America is its epicenter. With your new degree as an entrance pass, you will find ready employment at a job you can love in a location of your choice. Soon you will buy a three-bedroom home on a quiet street and start making contributions to a 401K, which will grow at a reliable 11 percent a year. Eventually, you will have a safe and secure retirement. And you know that most of what I've just said is a big fat lie.

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